Why some young Singaporean adults need a course on how to talk

Faith Tay adjusted her posture, took a deep breath, and stared into the camera on her laptop. Her team had been discussing a new project for nearly an hour over Zoom, and it was finally her turn to speak. All eyes were on the 31-year-old information technology professional.

She opened her mouth. Nothing came out.

Her heart pounded, her chest tightened, and the silence stretched on.

“Faith, are you okay?” a colleague asked.

She could only nod.

Another teammate eventually stepped in to present her points while she sat frozen and overwhelmed. The meeting moved on, but Ms Tay stared at her reflection in the darkened screen, replaying the moment again and again.

“That was a turning point for me,” said Ms Tay, recounting the meeting which happened during the Covid-19 pandemic.

She has since left her job and is pursuing a part-time degree in IT and business.

“I don’t want my conversations with others to become quiet or die out. I don’t want to feel overwhelmed talking to my boss or awkward when making new friends.”

She is one of 33 participants who took part in the School of Yapping, a four-part workshop aimed at helping young adults aged 20 to 35 grow confidence in everyday conversations and social settings.

The workshop, with sessions held weekly, kicked off in June at a space on Keong Saik Road.

Organised by local social enterprise Friendzone, it costs $120 and focuses on practical conversational skills through role play and group scenarios.

Participants learn to make small talk, read social cues, start respectful conversations, and turn acquaintances into meaningful connections.

They also receive a personalised report outlining their strengths and areas for improvement.

To design the curriculum, Friendzone’s team – which includes a trained counsellor – conducted research and interviewed young adults to better understand their communication challenges. Among the top goals: building confidence, reducing awkward silences, and learning to “read the room”.

Tham Jun Han, 32, co-founder of Friendzone, said the workshop was a response to the increasing number of young people struggling with social interaction.

He said, “Over the years, especially after the pandemic, we’ve noticed more participants at our events who struggle with social interaction.

“They avoid eye contact, keep to their phones, don’t make small talk, or eat dinner silently in a group. We can see they want to make friends, but they’re just not sure how.”

Since 2018, Friendzone has hosted more than 500 events – both free and paid – to help young adults aged 18 to 40 build friendships and community.

In late 2023, the group secured over $50,000 in funding from the National Youth Council to run three courses: Friendship 201, which is focused on sustaining adult friendships, the School of Yapping and Desk Talk, an upcoming August programme focused on workplace communication.

Each course spans four weekly sessions and is tailored to Gen Zs and millennials.

About half of the School of Yapping participants are aged 25 to 30 and in professional, managerial, executive or technical roles.

Around two-thirds of participants are women

About a third are students, and around 10 % report experiencing social anxiety or identify with neurodivergent traits.

A 2024 survey by Singapore think-tank the Institute of Policy Studies found that young adults aged 21 to 34 reported the highest levels of social isolation and loneliness among all age groups.

Over half said they sometimes felt anxious about speaking to people in person and preferred online communication, where they could edit messages and feel less judged.

Another School of Yapping participant, Vishal Bajpe, 27, said he wanted to build confidence in group settings and to prepare for networking at a quantum computing event in Seoul.

“I think I can always do better in communication. As an introvert, I struggle with talking to strangers, sustaining conversations and expanding my social circle. There are times I want to just go back to my safe corner and stay in silence,” said the algorithm engineer.

A study by health tech provider Telus Health found that Singaporeans under 40 were 80 % more likely than those over 50 to avoid social interaction. Nearly two-thirds said their avoidance began or worsened after the Covid-19 pandemic.

Tham said Friendzone had initially expected 15 to 20 sign-ups, but over 30 people registered.

“Some participants find it difficult to step out of their comfort zone to practise in role play, but we’re happy to see them so earnest in learning. We might bring this course back a second time,” he said.

Anxiety in everyday situations

Mental health professionals told The Straits Times that more young adults are reporting low confidence in their social abilities and heightened self-consciousness in face-to-face interactions.

Dr Lim Boon Leng, psychiatrist at Dr BL Lim Centre for Psychological Wellness, said many young patients describe feeling socially drained and unmotivated to re-engage in real-world interactions.

Everyday situations like speaking up in meetings or joining group chats can trigger anxiety.

“There is often a fear of being judged negatively. They worry about saying something ‘cringe’, oversharing or appearing boring. Social comparison, intensified by social media, heightens this anxiety,” Dr Lim said.

Dr Annabelle Chow, clinical psychologist at Annabelle Psychology, said growing up with digital communication has reinforced a preference for “being behind the screen”, where interactions feel safer – messages can be edited and embarrassment avoided.

“I’ve observed greater discomfort with non-verbal elements like eye contact, hand gestures, or even knowing what to do with their hands. Many default to holding their phones as a coping mechanism,” she said.

The constant presence of smartphones, she noted, has made young people hyper-aware of how they are perceived – how they look, how quickly they respond, or whether they sound “right”.

Over time, this reliance on digital communication can erode social confidence.

“Real-life relationships thrive on shared experiences, non-verbal cues, and being fully present. When most interactions happen through a screen, it becomes harder to practise reading tone or body language, and that limits emotional connection,” said Dr Chow.

Both experts said the pandemic further disrupted young adults’ social development. Life transitions such as starting university or entering the workforce happened in remote or hybrid formats, reducing opportunities to build in-person communication skills.

Dr Lim noted that those already prone to introversion, social anxiety or neurodivergent traits like autism or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder were especially affected.

“We now see patients who are not just shy but socially deconditioned – they’ve lost confidence and fluency. More young patients describe symptoms like ‘feeling like I don’t know how to be human any more’.”

To rebuild confidence, Dr Chow recommends exposure therapy, where individuals gradually ease into real-world interactions, starting with low-pressure scenarios.

Cognitive behavioural therapy is another approach, she added, helping individuals reframe anxious thoughts, like “they’re judging me”, into more balanced ones, such as “they’re probably focused on the conversation, not critiquing me”.

Hoping to grow confidence in socialising? Here are some tips:

Small talk sets the stage

When meeting someone new, small talk helps you establish comfort and openness in conversation. Start by anchoring on something in common, share a personal story, and encourage them to share.

Move from surface to substance

Start with lighter topics like the weather or a shared event, then gradually move into deeper areas by asking questions that invite personal stories or reflections. Exchanging these stories and helping others feel seen and understood builds trust and emotional connection.

Master the art of listening

Pay attention to their responses, pick up on clues in their body language, and ask questions that reflect their interests, showing that you’re truly invested in the conversation.

*Tips from Friendzone co-founder Tham Jun Han

Sherlyn Sim

The Straits Times

Asia News Network